i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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