woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
