I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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