You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
