wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
