FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
