dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
