from now on my penis is your penis
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
