Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
