So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
MIDGETS
????
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
