Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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