she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
