So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
