I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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