You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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