i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
