2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize