I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize