I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
