i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
