I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
