My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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