Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
