Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
