So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
