Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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