Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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