Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
