Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ttyl tear gas
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
