I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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