I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
