I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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