i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
