Ambien. No doubt about it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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