I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
