im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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