MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
