Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
