Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize