So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
