Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want nice things and good sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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