who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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