I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
