I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
