I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
