If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
