its not stalking. its research.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
