I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
