oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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