I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
