shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
