He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
