so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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