When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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