i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
