shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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