I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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