There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
