why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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