haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
