Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
