Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
