I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
