Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
