I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize