her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
