swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
