if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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