So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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