I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
