My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
