no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
