Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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