i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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