But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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