If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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