saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
