There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
