the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize